The Importance of Gratitude

Summer

Bismilahi Rahmani Raheem,

As-salaam Alaikum Wa Rahmatulahi Wa Barakatuhu,

My perfect summer.... I really cant even remember my daydream anymore :(..seriously. I had it all perfectly planned by Fantasizing bout it in my head but now its all gone (I have been doing allot of maths maybe that's why!)..

OK basically I always wanted to learn Arabic since this time last year, when I decided to come back to Islam (practicing i mean), my point was so i can understand the Quran when i read it..well yeah last summer i got loads(OK maybe 2) books to learn Arabic but i got bored of teaching myself, then when i resumed fully for my 2ND year I applied to do Arabic, my dad obediently approved of it funny enough(b/c I never mentioned it ever and i called asking him to wire some money for me to apply)...we'll it wasn't meant to be after I got loads of advice from my Guru economic mates that it might affect my performance because if i fail Arabic it will pull down my final result, obviously i ignored them (b/c they didn't know how much i wanted to learn). Well i did apply and the time table came out and guess what????? All the Arabic classes where clashing with my economic 1Ce, i did hustle with all my strength going up and down waiting hours to speak to the tutor so i can have my special 1 on 1 lesson (who did i think i was then...ha ha, daughter of the pioneer of the uni..loll) well obviously i didn't get to do my beloved Arabic course, but yea i still didn't lose hope, I signed up to do an online Arabic course with a teacher in Egypt twice a week meet via Skye (I know it sounds dodgy..loll) but yea I did sign up, but wow i could not handle the teacher he was SO impatient with me especially the fact that i do not understand any Arabic but he was so good mash Allah , but yeah i decided not to do it with him. Then finally i had 1 more option left, Wednesday night with a student form the Islamic society it was free as well, obviously i did go and i attended but it was slow plus she was a student so she really wasn't the best (may Allah reward her for her effort), I did learn a bit so i can say somethings and i understand allot (seriously, especially when i read the Quran {'_*}) but yeah that was for that we have the exam on Wednesday ha ha I'll let you know my result if i pass. so that was for that the whole story of my Arabic quest...but it all leads to my summer plan...

OK i found a school in Egypt with perfect timing for me to learn Classical intensive Arabic for the period of two months, the school is very good as it was recommended by someone reliable so am sure I'll be getting good out of it, though its very cheap but i trust in Allah ('_')...its for a period of two months and they also offer tajweed isn't that WONDERFUL seriously it will be a dream come true if by September i can speak Arabic and read the quran with melody, wow, you lot will see allot of me on you tube reciting the quran..(just kidding OB).

Now after the big dream I come back to reality, I haven't asked my dad, its a bit twisted because i did not tell him that i did not do the other Arabic course (and if i do now I'll look fraudulent for not mentioning it or returning him money)... I wrote down a long text message about 3-4 pages long( a week ago) and all i need to do is just click the send button, but really am just scared of hearing a NO! ohhh no it will just shatter my dreams... I have a feeling if he says yes i will defiantly get a first in my finals (though its Allah who will bless me with that, I'll put as much effort). Wow if he says no i haven't even got a plan B for the 4 months break... anyways that my summer dream and lot of you will think am kuku ha ha but that's just my short term goal because i believe it will open so many doors for me (understanding what am saying during prayers and having better kushoo, also easy to learn the dua's, and the recitation will be easier insh Allah).

After boring you lot with my plans is left for you to make du'a for me insh Allah that h says yes and also that it will be easy for me to cope and learn the language with good application and to also manage the Egyptian heat..:P, cant wait insh Allah

Ma-salaam...x

Saturday Evening

Bismillahi Rahmani Rahem,

As-salaam Alaikum Wa Rahmatula Wa Barakatuhu,

1 day to go till i resume school for the summer term, looking back on the 1 month break i have achieved 0.002% of the goals i set argggghhhh, OK I have learnt not to worry my self too much about the past and now its time to buckle my belt and go for a fast ride, the one where I'll be met with sleepless night of study/revision and stress and worry and anxiety, I think am ready for it..the whole exam period is not just my time especially when i have not been doing any serious work...haha..am laughing at myself for the hard work i just need to do..
Alhamdulilah i have started with my essay and its so interesting, i like it funny enough its about land reform in Zimbabwe, am coming to know so much about Africa..hehe exiting..

Apart from the school work i have been trying to be a better person by thinking allot especially about things i ave done and the ones am about to do, trust me it really works, you just feel less stressed when you think and try to solve problems in your head..my head is growing bigger now b/c loads seem to be happening in it. On Thursday after the quran-tafseer circle I had dinner with a sister and we where basically just having general discussion, she also seem to be going through allot especially with school work and other personal matters, basically I we spoke about the effects of prayer and mash Allah I felt really lighter after that, i have realized how much I have been struggling to do things myself and not calling on Allah(s.w.t) for help..silly.. and am sure so many people just do it and don't even realize it, from my experience every time i make du'a for something i really wanted Allah always grants it to me Alhamdulilah and now the fact that i don't do it is just so silly, inshAllah i will call upon Allah all the time, in need and in fulfilment b/c its the key!!

I was just thinking how i still have classes for the next semester and also revision classes already thinking thinking to bunk them for revision..loll.. OK really forget about school now..I'll enlighten my blog with my summer plan inshAllah for my next entry, for now I am gonna run off to a sisters flat to go check out the dir'ak(Somali dress) she got me :) so excited never worn 1 before . OK inshAllah I'll get back at you soon...please make du'a for me! jazakhalah khairan...

xox

An article i came across

Bismillahi Rahmani Raheem,

As-salaam Alaikum Wa Rahamatulah Wa Barakatuhu,

MashAllah my sister sent me an email with the link to an article and i really found it very interesting and enlightning. Ihope you do after reading it InshAllah.

The article:

Allah is just


Written by Bala Mohammad balamohammad@hotmail.com
Saturday, 12 April 2008
Sometimes we wonder – don’t we –about the inexplicable happenings around us?
Many great things sometimes occur which really tests our faith, not only in this temporal life, but also in the spiritual. time, many of us may have read or heard – haven’t we – the ultimate of all lamentations: "O Allah, why me?" Sometimes, some of these things are plainly inexplicable, but sometimes, they do come around to explain themselves. People who are deep in faith do not question, or try to rationalise, these happenings and accept them as they come. But Allah does compensate. For He is a Just God!
The following stories are from the book ‘Gems and Jewels (in apparent continuation of our Jewels Series) compiled by Abdul-Malik Mujahid and published by Darussalam Publishers, Riyadh, Saudi Arabia, in 2003. I bought the book for 25 Riyals during the last Hajj and it has paid much more than its price in gold.
First, this story on the Justness of Allah:
"It is related that a woman once went to the Prophet, Dawud (David), upon whom be peace and said, ‘O Prophet of Allah, is your Lord just or unjust?’ Prophet Dawud said to her, ‘Woe unto you, woman; indeed, my Lord is Most Just and never acts unjustly.’ Having said that, he then asked her, ‘What is your story?’
"The woman said, ‘I am a widow; I have three daughters, and I provide for them from what I spin with my needle and yarn. Yesterday, I wrapped my yarn in a cloth and went with it to the marketplace, intending to sell it and use the proceeds to buy provisions for my children. But while I was walking to the marketplace, a bird suddenly swooped down and took my yarn and my cloth, after which it flew away. I sat there in a sad and miserable state, faced with the reality that I own nothing that I could use to provide for my children.’
"As the woman was with Prophet Dawud telling him her story, someone just then knocked on the door, asking for permission to enter. Ten men then entered; each one was a merchant and each one of them had one hundred dinars [one thousand dinars in all, millions in today’s naira] in his hand. They said, ‘O Prophet of Allah, give this money to someone who is deserving of it.’ Prophet Dawud asked them, ‘What prompted you to bring this money here?’
"The merchants said, ‘We were travelling in a sea vessel when the waves began to roar tempestuously and our ship began to sink. Then suddenly, as if out of nowhere, a bird came and dropped a red cloth that contained yarn inside of it. Using those materials, we quickly worked to repair the hole in the ship that was causing us to sink. Not much time passed before the winds and waves calmed down and the hole was repaired. We then made an oath to Allah (exalted be His Name), that each one of us would give one hundred dinars in charity. This is that money which you may give as charity to whomsoever you please.’
"Turning to the woman, Prophet Dawud said, ‘The Lord Who does business for you on land and in the sea, yet you make Him out to be unjust?’ He gave her the entire one thousand dinars and said, ‘Spend it on your children.’
Then we come to the following stories on the benefits of sadaqa, alms-giving.
"A long time ago, a woman’s son went missing. He was gone for so long a time that she finally lost all hope of ever seeing him again. One day, she sat down to eat. Breaking off a piece of bread from her loaf, she was about to put it into her mouth when all of a sudden, a beggar appeared at her door and asked her to feed him. Not only did she give him the remaining part of the loaf of bread, but she also gave him the morsel that she was about to put into her mouth. Putting the loaf back together as best as she could, she handed it over to the poor beggar. As since she herself was relatively poor, she remained hungry for the rest of the day.
"A few days passed and suddenly, her son returned. They both rejoiced at the reunion, thanking Allah for this great favour. They sat down and he began to give an account of the many hardships he had endured since the time he went missing.
"He said, ‘Perhaps the most traumatic experience that happened to me occurred a few days ago when I was riding a donkey in a far-off valley. A lion suddenly appeared in front of me and instead of attacking the donkey that I was riding, it leapt straight at me, throwing me off my mount. As fast as it could, the donkey raced off, and I was left an easy prey for the lion. It began to tear away at my clothes with its ferocious claws. I was so afraid that I almost fainted. The lion then leaned over me, getting ready for a lethal strike.
"But just as suddenly, a giant of a man dressed in white appeared and drew the attention of the lion from me. He approached and without the use of any weapon, he pulled the lion away from me and wrestled it to the ground. Then looking at the lion with a menacing expression, the man said to the animal, ‘Stand and leave, O dog! A morsel for a morsel!’ The lion immediately got up and raced away.
"After seeing the lion speed away, I returned my gaze to the man; but he was no longer there and I couldn’t find him afterwards. I stayed where I was for a number of hours, until my strength returned to me. Realising that the lion had done no harm to my body, I got up and walked until I joined up with a travelling party. I told my story to them, but there is one part of it that I was, and still am, extremely confused about: what did the man mean when he said, ‘A morsel for a morsel’?
"At this point during the narrative, his mother stared straight ahead of her with an incredulous expression, realising that the man came to save her son at exactly the same time that she had given up her morsel of bread to the beggar."
The last story is closely related to this:
"In classical times, one of the governors of Egypt once summoned Ibn Furat to come to him. When the two men were face to face, the Governor said, ‘I always had evil intentions regarding you. So much hatred did I harbour in my heart against you that I have always been making schemes to capture you and banish you from these lands. But do you know what prevents me from doing so? For many nights now, I have been seeing you in my dreams; you are always preventing me from reaching you using a loaf of bread to keep me back. And when I order my guards to kill you in the dream, you fend off their various attacks with the same loaf of bread. It always happens like that; that neither blow nor arrow reaches you; the loaf is your shield. Now tell me the story behind this loaf of bread.
"Ibn Furat said, ‘O Governor, ever since I was very small, my mother would come to me every night and place a loaf of bread underneath my pillow. Then in the morning she would give it away in charity on my behalf, and she never stopped doing so until she died. Then, I continued to do the same myself, every night placing a loaf of bread underneath my pillow and then in the morning giving it away in charity.’
"The Governor was greatly affected by what he heard and he said, ‘By Allah, I will never even think about harming you after this day. I now think well of you and love you very much."
Prophet Muhammad, upon whom be peace, has said, "Sadaqa extinguishes sins as water extinguishes fire. Sadaqa appeases Allah’s anger and averts evil. And even a smile in your brother’s face is sadaqa."
Are you sure the children of the poor people among your neighbours (and, if you live in Abuja, your neighbours in your hometown) have had breakfast this morning? Do you realise that reading this newspaper is a declaration of surplus? Therefore, go on! Give that loaf! Avert evil which abounds all over! The Hausa say, directly translating that Hadith: ‘sadaka maganin masifa.’

very interesting right?? here is a link to the page InshAllah.
http://news.dailytrust.com/content/view/4035/29/

True Love

How many a good thing has He given you! How many a favour has He granted you! He is your Lord and Guardian who created you, to whom your life and your death belong, who gives you to eat and drink, who provides and looks after you, who shelters you, and gives you refuge. He sees your ugly behavior and conceals it; you ask Him to forgive you and He does so, and He sees your righteous behaviour and increase and manifests it. You obey Him by His providence and aid and He mentions your name in the unseen, and casts respect and love for you in to the hearths of others. You disobey Him using His favours, yet disobedience does not make Him withhold His favour. H ow can you love other than this Generous God? Or how could you disobey this compassionate Lord?

Love For Allah(s.w.t)

Bismilahi Rahmani Raheem,

As-salamu Alaikum Wa Rahmatulah Wa Barakatuhu,

Its 23:39pm and its a few minutes to my bed time, still haven't prayed isha because i was drying my not so long hair for sooooooo long..... but yea i feel like blogging i might not be going 2 bed early and am having the weirdest feeling ever guess? i feel like studying can you believe it, i don't know but the thought of doing an all night study today will not be bad idea because am in the mood, plus if i stay up all night tonight i might as well have my sahur on time and pray tahajud(night prayer) for the other part of the night.. But i also have a feeling its waswas (whispering of Satan), to make me stay all night and waste my time tonight and probably lead to me getting tierd few hours before fajr and then i'll probably have one of my short naps(as i tell my self) and then i end up snoozing till sabuh(morning), argh and then I'll rush my prayers and get angry at my self, and then I'll try to console my self y sleeping back and then I'll end up sleeping ALL DAY!!! OK so i think I'll go with the sleeping now even though i know i might be din lots of sleeping tomorrow..:(, am soooo lazy i need to get busy my exams are in less than a month and that just freaks me......

I was listening to an audio lecture this morning as i was losing my braids, it was talking about how to get the love of Allah in our hearths, i want that so badly like seriously i want to love Allah more than anything and everything, the sheik said we must first have to clear our hearths of the love of the dun ya.. so now my question is HOW????? I was thinking to do that but i realized its very complicated like me, my exams on the way is just something else....and basically am thinking how can i do that, do i just stay in my room on my prayer mat and pray and pray and pray and read the Quran and read and read and do dhikr (even though i really don't know how to do it)...its really really hard but yet so essential in my life.

I wish i could clear my heart and take out all the bad things I know and all the distractions of this world, all the hate and everything that clouds it..... I think what i lack is what makes me really complicated.

Yesterday as i was reading surah Al-Mulk before I went to bed, thoughts started to flood into my head and i was whipping like a baby, I was just thinking of how favoured I am by Allah(s.w.t), I am so blessed Alhamdulilah, i have basically everything i want and can still gt anything i want, seriously blessed Alahmdulilah, and what made me cry was how so ungrateful i am about it, I personally know allot of people that will die to be in my shoes but i take all of it for granted, I was just thinking about what life would be without the favour i had and it made me cry even more, I was thinking about my parent how life would be if i lose their love.... and basically this all brought me to the conclusion of how dunyaly engrossed i am, sad! I really am looking for a change in my self, I want to be amongst the people of Taqwa(piety), I want to be so close to Allah and love Him more than anything and everything(as i said above), I want to rectify my hard, i really do so much, i pray 5x a day, pray the sunnah, do the nafls, fast every Mondays and Thursdays, go to the masjid frequently, read my Quran daily, go for Islamic gatherings and so many(Alahamdulilah) but i still do not have that feeling i want to achieve I still feel their is something missing b/c between all this things i find it hard to lower my gaze(face book & others), i have male friends(back from my jahiliya days that i can not rid b/c they are so close) everything and all this things just make things so complicated for me and make me feel like am drowning, I cant seem to get a clear view on anything, its like am wearing tinted glasses that have been covered by dust, like looking into a mirror covered with steam.......

Alhamdulilah am grateful for all and I am not complaining, am just putting my thoughts into words and trying to express my self....

It is getting to late i need to go pray and i have finally made up mind to go to bed, so inshAllah i need you lot to give me advice, make Dua for me and anything you can think of!!

Ma-salaam.

xox

school work, exams, desitation, and everything between

Bismilahi Rahmani Raheem,

As-salaamu Alaikum Wa Rahmatulah Wa Barakatuhu,

I am caught up between my essay, desitation and exams coming up next month. everything just seem to jumble up and giving me a hard time,Ii cant sit down for seconds and not remember i have so much to do.... aggghhh and the worse thing is i have been reading for my exams since 3 weeks ago but there seem to be no progress, i switched to my essay today but its still not making situations better. Seriously this things don't deserve my time, they are all DUNYA, back in my jahiliya days I wanted to be a RICH economist working in the central bank, I had so much planned out, got aaaa's for my A-levels every thing seemed to be going so well, but now (Alhamdulilah though) I'll rather use my time to do something for the akhira... as I sit about to do some serious econometrics I find out I have no interest what so ever with the work, I feel its just a diffident Whole new world to me and I am caught up because there is basically nothing i can do, my dad will bury me alive if I tell him I don't want to do economics I want to learn Arabic and learn the Quran by hearth and learn the science of the Quran( don't get me wrong he is not against the religion or anything or me learning the list, but am almost at the door to finishing university and it would be waste of his money and TIME). The only thing that motivates me to study now is the fact that my father pays about £20,000 + for me to study and do something good with my life, It makes me feel guilty when I see the little work I am doing :(.. I plan to get a 1st class this term which is very possible(if I work seriously HARD), but I just lack the motivation to study, I go to the library set my books out to study open up my jotter and then the taught of listening to surah Ar-Rahman hits my head send I bring out my ipod and listen, next am like it will not do me bad to listen to surah Qamar, and then surah Mulk, and then an audio lecture, and before Ii Realize the day is OVER!!... I am really confused and caught up, its my responsibility for the dun ya to do well, but also my responsibility for the akhira to strive hard for janah.. It is so hard this days for me to do descent reading or any of this things, there is always something telling me am wasting my time and that just scares me, i might study SO hard for my exams and then die before the day, or i might write the best essay but die a day before i hand it in, and this are just a few of the things that stop me from wanting to do any studying or work. Its all so CONFUSING!!. I just can not balance it....CAN ANY ONE PLEASE HELP ME!! advice, scolding, du'a, any and all is welcome Insh Allah..

Ma-Salaam.

x

Inroduction.

Bismilahi Rahmani Raheem.



As-salaamu Alaikum wa rahmatulah wa barakatuhu.



Am new to this whole public blogging thing, i had a private blog a while ago but i guess am coming public now. Basically the aim of this blog is to share my day to day activities, some boring, some interesting, some sad..:(..am a muslimah going through so much but yet so little compared to others..am still trying to find who i am, where i stand and everything else...also am using this blog to keep me up to date with what i want to do and so on. Insh Allah join me read my post, comment, give me suggestions, advice and trust me you will be answering so many questions for me if you can :)....OK i guess am blabbing now so I'll just be going to do some work, insh Allah i will be back SOON..x